'the da bitchy code'

Bam sent me this through SMS. A dramatic line from a so-so movie which turned out hilarious. Poor Samar:

“Oo, inaamin ko. Sila ay mga yakal, lawaan, apitong at narra. At kami ay saging lang. Pero maghanap kayo ng puno sa buong Pilipinas, saging lang ang may puso...Saging lang ang may puso! SAGING LANG!”
—Mark Lapid, "Apoy sa Dibdib ng Samar"

***

Chat of the week:

LA: pare, gusto ko ng mag-resign
Me: pare, tatlong taon na nating sinasabi yan
LA: onga eh.
Me: mag-corporate kaya ako? Or mag-TV?
LA: HOUSEMATE?
Me: pwede.
LA: seryoso ka?
Me: kaya ko kaya pre?
LA: tado.

Magbo-bold na lang ako.

***

By now, the world has watched the movie adapatation of "The Da Vinci Code." There are mixed reviews, but the tagline on rottentomatoes says it best: "What makes Dan Brown's novel a bestseller is evidently not present in this dull and bloated movie adaptation."

I've finished half of the novel just in time for the showing. It was a fast read, and Brown has a power of description. But the timeline is somewhat skewed. Too many flash forwards and backwards that leave the readers lost in the timeframe.

If Brown knew anything, it is that the sensationalized combo of mystery, church issues and historical gossip sells. Parang sex, drugs and rock and roll yan eh. And he claimed as facts some parts of the novel which prompted people to research and THINK.

People found the "Da Vinci Code" attractive because they haven't been reading anything else. There are better mystery books around but they look so scholarly and stiff that people shunned them.

The movie, on other hand, was a crude adaptation. I expected a big, bulky and scary Silas and I got this waif albino, instead. The pacing was horrendous. Sequences were rushed and there was practically no time for a build-up, a climax.

"Da Vinci Code" is no more than a sensationalized movie with Tom Hanks on it.

And there was the whole hulabaloo--rating it "for adults only" as if it's porn and banning it in all SM and Manila theaters.

Duh? Does Mayor Atienza think Filipinos Catholics are that stupid to have their religion shaken because of an effing movie? Baket di nya unahing ipatanggal ung mga "double movies" complete with hand-painted posters sa Quiapo. Isama na rin nya ung mga nagtitinda ng "pamparegla" in the process.

It raked 23 million on the opening day despite the bans on some theaters. Good thing I didn't pay to see it since I watched it in a sponsored event. But paying moviegoers lined up in Power Plant early in the morning to see it. My cousins said they went to three malls in the evening, but the lines were too long they had to watch it the next day.

And if Jesus had a daughter, would it matter? Eh ano naman? What if I'm related to Christ, would you worship me? And what if God is a woman?

I am a Catholic, I pray and I go to Church but I know Christianity could be phony---like Santa or the tooth fairy. The important thing is believing in Someone more powerful than me, than Bill Gates, than Oprah, than everything else. There's a comforting thought in knowing I could ask a Great One for help and guidance in times of trouble.

Religion is mass brainwash for chrissakes.

when everything else fails, watch 'eat bulaga'

SMS chat of the day: I was egging my cousin for a Saturday nightout since I was feeling extra pretty today and wanna make rampa:

Me: San ka later?
Maw: Wala pang plans, dito pa ko sa Binondo. Why?
Me: Watch tayo X-MAN!
Maw: X-man? Si Wolverine lang?

Dunno why the hell I omitted the rest of the X-men.

***

One of the few good things in this seemingly serious office is there are televisions everywhere. And with 7 TVs scattered around the entire third floor, chances are, you get to watch what you want.

Like "Eat Bulaga."

(Unless, of course, they are all tuned in to CNN, BBC or ANC which is the ideal purpose of the TVs. But heck, "American Idol," "Jeopardy" and "Bubble Gang" are favorites here. We are hardcore Kapuso.)

"Bulagaan" made my day again.

Enter a half-naked Vic Sotto.

I nooked at the News Service section, and this suplada lady editor in her 30s said: "'Di sha gwapo pero iba talaga appeal ni Vic. 'Pag niligawan ako nyan, nako!"

The other girls said the same, which made me wonder if my mother has Vic Sotto fantasies, too.

The last time I saw Ma'am editor blush was when Jay Manalo was in the office. But Jay Manalo is a different story. Ikaw na ang maging Totoy Mola. (Jay Manalo = gang rape)

Pero hindi si Vic Sotto o si Jay Manalo ang celebrity crush ko kung hindi si............

Keempee de Leon. Hihi.

Nasa "That's" pa lang sha with Manilyn Reynes, crush ko na yan. Then he became a drug addict, got himself clean and gone back to showbiz. Now he's playing gay roles. How's that for variety? That's Joseph Joakim de Leon, my '90s crush. Pero pwede na rin si Jay Manalo.

Oo na, jologs na.

media deaths

Reports from Committee to Protect Journalist and Reporters Sans Frontieres last year said that the Philippines is the second most dangerous place for journalists, next only to war-torn Iraq.

A radio commentator and former vice mayor was recently shot dead in Palawan. That's the 79th felled media practitioner in this country since Ferdinand Marcos left.

Iraq is war-torn for crying out loud, but the Philippines? Sure, we have wars of all sorts and our government is anything but stable, but I'd like to believe that our country is more peaceful compared with Iraq.

But how could you explain the deaths? This country is, by and large, peaceful. It's the people who are war freaks.

There was even a proposal in Congress to arm journalists. That's stupid. Can you imagine Mel Tiangco carrying an armalite? And what if it's the journalists' turn to go on a shooting spree?

And there's the hao shao reporters who live on payola (that's bribe for you). Believe me, some of the biggest journalist---be it in news, lifestyle, especially entertainment---have a price. And they're the last person you'd want to have a gun. Bribe money aren't even given in envelopes now, they are coursed through ATM. 

The problem is that most deaths happened in the provinces. These deaths will remain just statistics unless someone from bigger media organizations gets killed.

If someone from GMA, ABS-CBN, Inquirer, Philippine Star, DZBB or DZMM gets shot dead right smack in their homes, then maybe the people or the government would take action.

Good thing I never had a penchant for news stories. I had a month-long stint covering Southern Metro Manila/Makati last year and it was one of the most challenging moments I've had. Worse was during the Valentine's day bombing when three buses exploded on Edsa.

It was V Day for crying out loud! And I was in a sports dress; lugging a heavy, now-obsolete laptop; walking around shattered glass windows and burnt buses looking for burnt bodies; while pushing my way against police lines and waiting for any statement from the higher ranks. 

News was exciting and you get to see the worse, and help the neediest---but it's not what I wanted.

Yes, I'd rather write about hemlines than headlines, the latest lip gloss, music festivals and beach resorts than politicians.

But I'm still sad that journalists here are killed in the line of work. Some of them may be too hard-hitting and biased, but death is not a solution.

I wouldn't recommend Journalism to high-school graduates. Recently, I've been having regrets that  took it up. It's not as rewarding as I thought it was, it is hard work, and there's always hell-sent editors and bosses.

But if you have a passion or a calling, by all means, go for it. Just don't expect to get rich.

not just a curler

Chika lang, I've gone bra-shopping and I jumped from 36B to 38C. That's good news for my boyfriend; bad news for me. The boobies got bigger, and so has the rest of my body. I've gained that much flesh all over.

***

If you have a thousand bucks, what would you buy?

A pair of sandals, a blouse, a double-CD, a Sandman to complete that collection, a satchel. I guess you can even buy a jacket at that price.

I bought an eyelash curler.

For P1,000. Actually it's P1,195.

Absurd? Not if I've been aching for it for months. Not if it would open up my small eyes without makeup. Not if it makes me happy.

Meet my Shu Uemura eyelash curler.

Ordinary curlers costs no more than P50, but they could pull out all of your lashes, or your eyelid if you're incredibly stupid. This one "has an exlusive design curved at an angle with the appropriate amount of pressure to naturally curl your lashes."

The Shu counter girl said I shouldn't drop it or use it after putting on mascara. No problem with that because I seldom use eye makeup  (mascara + contact lenses = pain). Maybe I should put it in a special case that would fit in my bulging kikay kit.

Kikay kit inventory includes:

 2 shades of lip and cheek tints (pink and peach)
 four tubes of lip gloss (pink, plum, golden orange, nude)
 eye shimmer pen
 comb
 toothpaste

Er, no room for the curler. Although all of those doesn't look too bulky in my kit. Really.

I also have a bottle of baby powder and cologne, and a toothbrush in my bag. I use baby powder on my face because cosmetic powders give me breakouts. And it's always gloss instead of lipstick.

Still absurd? Tell it to those who buy P2,000 tsinelas. Please, don't even get me started on Havaianas. I am a convert and now owns three pairs. It's all about happiness, baby.

guys, meet martha

She has good skin, precisely layered hair, sweet smile and I lurvvv the nametag necklace.

Martha was my grade-school crush.

No, I wasn't gay or bi during puberty, back then Martha was a guy.

Back then, Martha was Mark.

Now she's prettier than my has-been batchmates--those popular-girl bullies who are now fat single mothers, cellulite and all.

That's the reformed loser nerd in me speaking.

I've found Martha through Friendster (where else?). Apparently, someone made an account for "St. Blaise Batch 94," our 6th grade section.

In that school, block sections were named after saints and we were required to know the lifestory of our respective patrons.

When I was in grade school, girls' sections were named after flowers (Grade II-Champaca) and boys' after trees (Grade IV-Kamagong). Now, doesn't the saints sound better? At buti na lang di nila naisipan na sa prutas na kame ipangalan (Grade I-Sininguelas, Atis, Aratilis, Caimito, Papaya).

I hated 6th grade. I was an obese, pimply, incredibly big-haired girl who had one friend.

Everyone else then was cool, except me and that one friend, my Bestest Friend.

Fastforward to now, I think roughly 1/3 of my grade-school batchmates now have kids. And their spawns are not babies anymore. They are toddlers! Pre-schoolers! So kelan nila ginawa yung mga yun? Nung 12 sila?

Ah, the Catholic school sexual revolution.

And there's Mark/Martha.

I browsed through her profile and wondered who that girl was. Wala namang "Martha" sa St. Blaise. In a particular testimonial, Martha was called "Mark."

So I texted Bestest Friend.

Me:  "May Mark ba tayong classmate ng Grade VI?"
Bestest Friend: "Hmmm, si Mark Sese?"
Me: "Putangina si Mark Sese nga, babae na sha! At in a relationship sha. And in all fairness, ang pretty nya."

I screamed in my office seat, turned my monitor and showed it to my seatmates: "Crush ko to dati! Lalake sha dati!"

I wonder what happened to Raymund Verduz, the other openly gay classmate (yes, closet pa si Mark non, partida)? Don't tell me she's the deliciously tanned, booby, long-haired chick on Friendster named Mellanie who's in Denmark.

This calls for a 6th-grade reunion. Isasampal ko ung cleavage ko sa mga nam-bully sakin. Hah.

sing... sing a song

Since I got a TV and DVD system in my room, I think I got flabbier. I could  spend the entire day braless in my sleepwear, eating and channel-surfing.

Funny, you can have a hundred channels and still don't have anything to watch.

L said my room looks isolated in the house. Well, it is. I am, by choice.

Watching "Bulagaan" is my current addiction. even get late for work at times waiting for Vic Sotto and Jose's "Sing... sing a song..." skit.

Promise, I could watch it every day and I won't get tired of it.

As my mum said, I was weaned on Tito, Vic and Joey. 'Di pa yata ako nagsasalita non.

My childhood memories consist of being propped up in front of the TV, watching "Iskul Bukol," "TODAS," and yes, "Eat Bulaga." All during my formative years. Look what happened.

I wonder what happened to Spanky Rigor and Frida Fonda?

And yes, I have seen both the movie adaptation of "Okay ka, Fairy ko" in "Enteng Kabisote" 1 and 2. Inner jologs at it's best. (Alice Dixon is still the best Faye.)

And where the hell are the Sex Bomb girls?

Watching Pia Guanio, that Pauline chick (who, in prophecy would go bold), and  Ciara Sotto in leggings "dancing" is way off. It's not the same. Where the hell are the young hot girls!?

magkano na si kris aquino?

Kris Aquino is everywhere. Lahat na pinatulan nya. From tiles, bags, Oishi, shampoo, mesotherapy, malls, beer to that unknown laundry powder, kinarir nya.

I wouldn't be surprised kung ultimo foot powder my commercial na sya.

And she even said on air that she doesn't use the papaya soap she's endorsing. I don't expect her to use those San-San chuva on her face, either. And boy, does she even drink beer? Pale Pilsen at that?

She must be so damn rich. But is she worth it? She's not, by any way, a template for women.

Apparently, as aydol Thelma Sioson-San Juan wrote in a column, Kris Aquino sells.

Even Inno Sotto's clients reportedly bring clippings of what Kris wore and have them copied. People buy what the taklesa promotes. Isa syang marketing strategy.

I admit, though, that I am a big fan of Chunkee corned beef.

Ang sarap, dude. Ginisa sa sibuyas, plus sunny side-up egg and fried rice for breakfast. Tapos saka ka matulog. Yun na yun eh. Tapos paggising mo Bulagaan na. Ayus.

given a chance, ikakama ko si Paris Hilton

Given a chance lang naman. She lent me the first season of "The Simple Life" and I'm hooked.

Paris Hilton is the ultimate bimbo. She's a rich ditz of a bitch and she's hot. Ok lang un na di sya smart, or else perfect na sya.

Nicole Richie is the smarter spitfire. She's also nastier, brattier. She has a big puson.

Nicole balances out Paris' duh-ness. And side by side Paris, she looks poor. But I like her, and I wish I could brat out like that. And make out with everyone and....

Oh well. Too much TV. The only good thing about being a couch-potato-in-training is I get to spend less. My designer-coffee cravings have noticeably lessened, my beer cravings, too.